Flippin' CAR CRUD!

Friday, June 29, 2018

Image result for car maintenance funnyWhat is it about car maintenance that makes me feel SO completely and frantically upside down?

During this past month, I have had two very distinct situations that have literally made me want to peel my own skin off...

Let me preface this post by stating, I drive a Chevy Tahoe.  I have had 3 and loved each and every one of them.  My first was emerald green, the next silver, and this one luxury and charcoal grey.  As I think about my 2011 "trusty steed" - I think of all the journeys we have made together and the many many memories that Fisherman and I have made in this "car".  It has successfully hauled many things - groceries, fishing "stuff", my favorite 3 little peeps, my parents, Fisherman's family, friends, to destinations with narry a peep out of it.  It was purchased 2 weeks after my beloved Grandmother passed away and carried my Mom and Grandfather to and from California (fighting LA traffic, to boot), with tears, and provided a means for my Gram's brother to grieve her loss with those who loved her.

Over the last 3 weeks, my valiant steed (which I think can sense that I am committing "car adultry" by looking at other vehicles) has been cause for consternation.  As Fisherman and I took the car in to have the tires rotated and balanced - the clerk at Costco called us and and said "Mr. Fisherman, we cannot in good faith, rotate these tires again...they are showing too much wear and uneven wear at that."  Initiate total ugly crying in the middle of Costco.  What made it worse is that Fisherman was so great about it.  He tried to comfort me and keep my head from completely blowing off my body and having to scoop me up, like so many small puddles before.  "Babes, it is ok...we will be ok.  It is car maintenance, it has to be done."  So, at a cost of a small island, new tires were put on.

When we went to pay, the clerk said "Mr. and Mrs. Fisherman, you really should have the alignment checked out to see why there is such uneven wear." Issue ugly cry of the evening number 2!  Fisherman had just talked me off the ledge and consoled me with a Costco frozen yogurt and NOW this!!!  Is he trying to kill me?! I mean can the man sense that I am a puddled meltdown - and just sees "sucker" - but no, Fisherman is there...so it can't just be "take advantage of the blonde woman".
So we make the appointment, shuffle our entire world (Fisherman to work, me to work...etc.) and get the alignment checked out.  It was wildly out of alignment and was now fixed. Slightly apprehensive, I set out the next day, finished with all my summer teacher-y things, and headed NORTH.  It ran beautifully.  My new tires hugged the pavement and it rides very smoothly.

Finally, yesterday, I decided to treat my trusty to a "wash and set" so-to-speak.  I ran to the Diamond Car Wash (they do a great job). They polished her up and I was ready to roll...dun, dun, dun {{ominous voice}} my mom and I were about to toodle off to shop 'til we dropped when *clank*, *thwack* *thwack* *thwack* - AAAAAAGH! WHAT THE HECK!?!?!?! I pull across the street and look all around the vehicle...and NOTHING. I get back in and *clank*, *thwack* *thwack* *thwack*! SERIOUSLY....AAAAAGH! I know that I cannot go further, I KNOW I need to know what is going on.  Fisherman was still on summer school duty so I called my Dad (30 minutes out) and waited.

I could literally feel the nerves in my head M-E-L-T-I-N-G, like OH-em-GEE I think I am having a small stroke.  I was dizzy.
I KNEW it was going to cost me thousands of dollars and the remainder of my sanity. FISHERMAN was not there to put the puddle back together and was dealing with some bit of summer school stuff and didn't even ANSWER THE PHONE. Lawdhammercy! My mom calls my brother...he is about 10 minutes away and answers the call.

He pulls in, and I just ooozed out of the driver's seat.  My mom stayed in the car with him as he "Mario Andretti'ed it" up and down the street.  He comes back after about 5-10 minutes, and says very calmly in his loving brotherly voice...

"Um...it would be helpful if you wouldn't use 4-wheel drive on the pavement...DUH!"
"I can write it down for you if you need - 2 wheel drive = pavement; steep, weather, mude = 4-wheel drive"...bwahahahahahah!"
My response..."Mother of all CUSS WORDS, and the GRATITUDE!"

Hallelujah! I've seen the light, I was at the abyss and was yanked back from oblivion.  Everything was good, no FREAKING FANTASTIC!

Living to drive another day...


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